Thoughts of the Day

Has been sleeping late every night. Just simply don't feel like sleeping yet. The sleeping bugs just left me during the night time.

Still can't resist worrying about things. People, school, and most of all my future, my life. Worries, this word is carrying me down as the time past. I can't help but to worry. People might comment saying that I'm just paranoid; but certain things just can't be avoided. I feared that I might not have the capabilities or even ways to counter off the problems. But I do know that everything had to be resolved, by hook or by crook. It's the difference in time only.

Life is like a hot air balloon. When the engine operates properly, it begins to rise; the engine signifies our heath which is the first and utmost requirement for any soul to fly; the gravity signifies our worries, which might drag us down if we are not ready to resist them; we resist gravity when we untie the sand bags and drop them off and then the balloon rises higher; the sand bags signify our responsibilities. When we fulfill our responsibilities, we countered off our worries and by then, we would fly higher and happier.

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Just another 3 or 4 days towards results. Feeling tensed up about it. I'm fearing about the performance and jolly well, I knew that I did not perform well this semester. Well enough towards what I expected from myself. Well enough to get into local university.

It's pretty hard for me to get overseas education at this point of time. Apparently there wouldn't be extra cash to send me there. Unless maybe I'm good enough to win myself a scholarship, thou I know this is kind of impossible. I'm stressed up. Lots of "what if" came into my brain. I dread for the worst. I'm just indeed a normal student, or rather just a hardworking student. Why? I'm not clever, that's why I've to work harder to balance the equation. Seriously, I want to get into university badly. This has been my goal since the day I stepped into TP, into ETCM.

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Through what I've heard, I was feeling kind of mixed up again. I don't know what the hell I want and what the hell is going on. Can I have a clearer view of everything? I hate to be kept from things. Can't I have the rights to know it too? I am really fearing. This is killin' me slowly. I'm someone who tend to think a lot of than what the matter could be. In other words, I tend to exaggerate the matter thru my imagination. Am I just a doll for you to control? A doll for you to talk to only when you feel like it? Or am I something that is fearful? I hate to hear stuffs from someone else's mouth. Especially its concerning about me.

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Been told of something recently. Was kind of worried. Life has always been unpredictable. It always has to be. But remember, it takes both the sunshine and the rain to make a rainbow. It makes the process well worth going through the rain.
Kim, if you are reading, take good care of yourself k? Don't think too much, everything will turn out fine like what always have been. Don't worry, no matter what happens, I will be here for you.

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It's 3 am already. Guess I should turn in earlier. Good night blog.